So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
