...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wish there were birth control emojis
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
