i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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