I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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