I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
