New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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