There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
