I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
