Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
