batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
