It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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