Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
