Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
