In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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