That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My ass is underappreciated
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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