you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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