Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
