They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
