the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
