life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
