we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
