we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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