Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
