If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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