So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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