so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
