I smell stomach acid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
