im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
