I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
