note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
