Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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