the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
