You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
