Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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