do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
