I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
