Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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