Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
