I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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