I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
