You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
