you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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