I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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