What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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