im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I currently don't understand fingers.
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