my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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