he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
