You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
