The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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