is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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