tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
