i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My ass is underappreciated
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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