It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
that is very illegal...i love you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
