i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
